9:25

“Then the beaver sprang up and…” No. He’s injured. He can’t spring.

“The beaver moaned and rolled over leaking like a jelly doughnut…” No, wrong colour . Although if it was a burnt… no.

“Rowan reached down and tenderly caressed the silky beaver and used her finger to…” Whoa! Porn alert! Okay, no more beaver. How about…

“Edward pooped. Like a bunny…” Aw crap, did that. Still it was a lot of chapters ago; maybe everyone has forgotten by now. Jeez this hard.

“Edward stood atop the hill, while the cold wind whistled through his fur. He shivered, and scanned the field below him. Today the battle would be met and triumph would be within his grasp. Today he would conquer his foes and crush all who stood in his way. Today he, Edward the…” Holy fucknoodles, what, did the damn bunny watch Patton 12 times while I had my back turned. Sounds like Napoleon at Waterloo getting psyched to lead his army to a spectacular defeat.

And where the hell is that damn rabbit anyway. I thought I left him in Alberta. I guess that would make it more of a General Custer moment… snicker… I guess the old lagomorph would look pretty good as a ‘scalp’.

Maybe it’s time for a new character. That’s always worked before.

“Barry was not exactly ashamed of his long legs and angular torso but he always thought it made him look more feminine that strictly necessary. The nose made up for that though; there was nothing feminine about that honker. Still and all, it was part and parcel of being a moose and in the melting pot of San Francisco’s waterfront, he didn’t stand out more than anyone else…”

Hmmmmm, I think I have something there. A moose who loves fresh seafood. Maybe he’s Edward’s bon vivant cousin or… or… the beaver’s love child? Or a complete innocent soon to be possessed by the evil spirit disturbed by an ancient curse. That might explain the bundle of papers: they’re a prehistorical manuscript from alien sun worshippers waiting for the The One to return and become the second coming of the…

Huh. An evil moose. Maybe I should rethink this.

Crap. This is harder than I thought.