9:20

Oh shit. Shit, shit shit. It’s the 20th and I have a freaking assignment due for that bloody procrastinator course.

I can’t believe I dropped almost a grand to have to wade through this bullshit. Almost a week and I am still doing dumb assignments. And I’m gonna have to pay the freakin’ ‘upgrade dues’ if I don’t get this shit done in the next hour.

Jeezus murphy!

Boot. Boot you stupid pile of mechanical shit. I got work to do…

Ok.

Using Method B from the previous assignment, formulate a persuasive argument to countermand the instinctive reactive processes as outlined in the Introduction to Procrastinatory Methodology…

Wtf dude, this’s meaningless crapola. Focus, focus; it’s the holiday money at stake here; you can’t get it back and you sure ain’t gonna earn any more if you don’t get off your fat ass. Now FOCUS.

With your formulated argument properly expressed in Bezier Markdown Language, transfer your thesis to …

Oh fuck this. I am going play Candy Crush. Screw the money. No. No fuck the money and fuck Candy Crush. I, I am going to just write the freaking entries and fuck you all. And then I am going hunt down smarmy ‘Bear’ Lee and kick his fat ass for being so full of shit. Maybe teach him to write, the stupid fuck. Make him pay to learn how to use a goddamn dictionary instead of just making up words; ‘procrastinatory’ my ass…

“Bing”

To: authorboy@writeme.com From: Procrastinators Inc. <nopro@procrastinator.com> Subject: Graduation Fees


Congratulations,
You have now fulfilled all the requirements for fulfilling the course. By attaining a proper and functional attitude towards procrastination by Day 6, we are pleased to award you a mark of A- and enter your name in the Honour Roll.
Please log onto the website at procrastinator.com/awardfees and submit the $500 graduation fee to receive your parchment and have your achievement registered in the Registrar's register. At that point you can opt to pay the optional nominal fee of $250 to have the Honours Seal added to you parchment. If you choose not to apply for the Honours Seal, your registration will still indicate your eligibility and you can reapply at any time after paying a small $100 reactivation fee.
We hope you have enjoyed our course and feel the fulfillment that is now your due. And we encourage you to pass your recommendation along to all your friends and family so that they too can feel fulfillment.
Yours sincerely,

Edward 'Bear' Lee PrD President Procrastinators Inc.