3:9

Scene: The park’s fringes

CAROLINE: Well I’m here. (Pause) Look, I haven’t got a lot of time and I’d really rather not be standing here. (Looks around)

MYSTERIOUS MAN: (Speaking offstage) Are you alone?

CAROLINE: Oh for god’s sake, what does it look like? Come out, because I most assuredly am not creeping around in a bunch of shrubbery.

MYSTERIOUS MAN: (Entering stage right) I need to be sure. This isn’t some game we’re playing here. There are real consequences and I’m not going to be burned by fools playing at life.

CAROLINE: Look, you fool…

MYSTERIOUS MAN: No, you look. I didn’t start this, but I am not going to lose out because morons can’t take things seriously. There are only two sides: the winners and the losers. And I never lose, especially not because my ’side’ can’t get their shit together. If I can’t count on you, then I will just count you out.

CAROLINE: (Sputtering) You can’t talk…

MYSTERIOUS MAN: Oh, shut your trap and grow a pair. I’ll fucking we’ll talk to you however I like. Unless you think you’ve got the cajones to stop me. (Pause) Well, do you?

CAROLINE: Oh, fine. Have it your way, Mister Tough Guy. I’ve got better things to do and way better places to be than standing in this flea-ridden park discussing the size of your implements. What have you got for me?

MYSTERIOUS MAN: (Looking her over before continuing) Unfortunately, not much. I’ve got most of the players identified and there’s nothing new on that front. I still haven’t got a handle on who knows what, and frankly that pisses me off. And every once in a while I get the sense that someone’s playing another hand, and that really will piss me off if it turns out to be true. As well as putting a fucking wrench into my … our … plans.

CAROLINE: Another hand? This is not an open invitation for every scammer in the city to try their hand. You need to either eliminate the possibility or eliminate the player. As you so coarsely put it, this isn’t some game.

MYSTERIOUS MAN: Look, I don’t need your shit. The plan’s running, and we need to stand tight and stick with it for at least another week. If nothing’s broken by then we can apply a little leverage, preferably with a crowbar, and if I’m lucky it will be to someone’s head.

CAROLINE: Well, I don’t want to hear any more about that, thank you very much. So, if that’s the sum total of why you dragged me out here, then I will bid you adieu. This place is disgusting and this meeting’s apparently a waste of my time.

MYSTERIOUS MAN: (Sotto voce) Prissy bitch. (Aloud) Well, then I’ll be off. Wouldn’t want to inconvenience you any more. I hope the rest of your day is as pleasant as our little tête-à-tête. Oh, and by the way, I’d think about taking the caterpillar out of your hair before visiting any of your hoity-toity friends. (Exits)

CAROLINE: (screams)

Lights fade to black