Bored of the lack of thoughtfulness and reading comprehension on a cruising forum I frequent I post the following post (the original post). I got some good feedback on my attempt at humour so I thought I would repost it and a few of my follow-up posts…  

Warning: the following is mostly tongue-in-cheek, although there is an underlying truth to the issue.

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It seems to me that many of the discussions on CF go off the rails because we are all so different in both our ambitions and realities. “How much does it cost to cruise?” You’d think this was a pretty straightforward question but it really isn’t and the topic generally goes sideways faster than a drunken docking attempt on a windy day. Even seemingly innocuous discussions like “How much chain do I need in such-and-such area” often become completely nonsensical because no one can agree on what we are actually talking about.

It seems to me we all stubbornly live in our own bubbles. Of course he means to be on the hook 99% of the time! vs. No sensible person would ever anchor out if there was a marina nearby! is never considered when joining the discussion—we just dive in and start the pontificating.

So I propose we find a solution.

I started with a simple chart. “That,” I said to myself, “would solve everything.” “It’s simple Self,” I said, “Simply find your place on the chart and colour code your answers so as to clear up any potential misunderstandings with all our fellow CFers.”

But then I got to thinking. It just wasn’t enough. Where was the geography? We needed a plane for warm vs cold, anchorages vs moorings… And what about round-the-world vs regional? Or a scale for single-handers all the way up to large crew?

(I tried to make a chart—it turned into a disaster )

This was getting complicated. So maybe a chart is out. How about codes?
Crew size |Crew Period |Climate | Expenses | Area | Moorage Style etc.

So for example I would be a 2PTCMRA (2 crewed, part-time, cold-water, moderate spending, regional anchorer). We could have a big chart … or an app…this is a great opportunity for an app developer—wait…ummm, we need a code for electronics too, with sub codes for radios, GPS, trackers, weather systems… hmmm…

So… ya. A chart. A BIG chart! We will need codes for anchor types too, and gun preferences, probably sub charts for specific regions cause we all know that the Med is different kettle of fish than the Caribbean— I mean literally, totally different fish and what we have here in the PNW is obviously so much better than anywhere else so…but I digress.

We will need indicators for partiers, outgoing folk, introverts, singles, people who can rebuild transmissions blindfolded, those who are still unsure what the pointy bits on a hammer are for… Oh, and most especially some way to differentiate where we fall on the scale of way over-prepared to “I bought a boat on the internet and cast off tomorrow—can someone show me how to sail?”

I guess we need a code for sailing purists. And one for those of us who have a funny stick in the middle of our powerboats. And racers. And dock-bound liveaboards. Is specifying whale preferences going too far? I like orca myself. What the hell let’s add it in.

So now would start any thread participation with “I am a 2PTCMRAPNWNGIMIEMPSO…” and as a result any potential misunderstandings would immediately be averted.

Ok so that about covers it. I am starting to grid this out and will announce the official chart when its completed and will have to get the mods onboard to enforce total compliance. Won’t work otherwise and this would have been a total waste of effort. Hmmm, I guess we will have to access penalties as well. Maybe a grid to determine just how serious breaches, cases of mis-information, and what the levels of incompleteness are and empower Guardians of the Grid to deliver appropriate punishments. That can be phase 2.

This is going to be so cool!

Or… I guess… We could…I mean… Maybe…

Could we all just take a moment to thank god (and/or whatever diety, spirit or scientific principle you believe in) that we are all able to get out on the water in whatever way we can and that that is a whole lot of different ways?

Seriously, if we all just took a moment to consider an OP’s situation or even a fellow thread participant’s perspective there would be so many fewer stupid, inadvertent pissing contests. And then we could get on with the intentional ones.

Just a thought. Let me know if you still want me to go ahead with the grid idea.

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The thread continued. Both Mike O’ and L independently thought Venn diagrams were the way to go:

Maybe what you need is a series of Venn diagrams. Cruisers are liveaboards, but not all liveaboards are cruisers. Racers and cruisers overlap, but some are just racers, and some are just cruisers. Some cruisers anchor out, some marina hop, and some do both.

So I gave this a try:

Then Wolfgal suggested:

What fun, Macblaze! Your ever-growing charts are so complicatedly fun! a holograph chart that actually turns around in space, popping up from my personal R2-D2 would take your idea to the next level. could you do this?. 

I thought, I can do that…

 

I almost lost control of the whole idea when Tayana42 tried to outsmart me with:

Curiosity
Reigns
Until
I’ve
Seen
Enough

Or

Casually
Roving
Upon
Iceless
Seas
In
No
Great hurry

Clever, clever! It went on for pages and pages after that.