macblaze.ca

12:2

A cool cucumber has many uses. A warm cucumber only inspires one.
Old American West Proverb

Origin
The origin of this proverb can be traced back to an early homesteaders settlement in Oregon. Not generally a popular seed to be transported by the first settlers due to its tender nature, the cucumber was, for some unknown reason, carried in large volume by a particular group of settlers in 1845 or 1846.

Due to the extremes of weather they found in their new territory, the first few seasons’ crops were not successful but eventually experience led to great success with growing this vegetable. Unfortunately an archaic attitude¹ towards raw vegetables, and the cucumber in particular, made the admittedly bountiful harvests of these long rubbery vegetables less than desirable in the eyes of their fellow homesteaders.

Many recipes were conceived of to try and create a palatable cooked dish with the increasing plentitude of green shafts, but generally, once excess heat was applied, the stiff vegetables soon collapsed and became mush. Pickling was an option for those who could afford the proper accoutrements, but very often the poor settlers had only what they had ‘on hand’.

Later, when a town had sprung up, some of the womenfolk who were not settlers found they had more time on their hands during the long days and at one local establishment they developed a recipe that involved coating and sautéing cucumber slices in whiskey and fresh farm cream. These tongue pleasers were both expensive and difficult to make and thus generally only found at the saloon or the local house of ill-repute.

Eventually the old wives tale that raw vegetables were unhealthy passed and, as other produce became more plentiful, uncooked cucumber started to appear in more and more dishes. The Creamstick (as the crispy cucumber became known) remained popular, but was generally acknowledged as the only way to cook a cucumber.

With time, the local proverb “A cool cucumber has many uses. A warm cucumber only inspires one” spread to other locations and it origins were mostly forgotten, while the proverb itself came to encompass many meanings depending on its context.

¹In the later 17th century, a prejudice developed against uncooked vegetables and fruits. A number of articles in contemporary health publications stated that uncooked plants brought on summer diseases and should be forbidden to children. The cucumber kept this vile reputation for an inordinate period of time: “fit only for consumption by cows,” which some believe is why it gained the name, cowcumber.

Sources
Miss Kitty’s Guide to Frontier Hospitality pub. 1887
The Vegetarian’s Handbook of Good Manners pub. 1976

12:1

To all outward appearances the beaver was a cool as the proverbial cucumber.

You do know the proverb of the cucumber right? You don’t’? Really? The cucumber proverb… seriously? Wow. I’m, I’m speechless.

Huh, I’m at loggerheads here… you do know about logger heads right? (It’s an Idiomatic expression meaning ‘engaged in a dispute.’) … I feel it is my duty to get on with the story but… seriously? No inkling of the famous, ubiquitous, we-all-learn-it-when-we-are-kids cucumber proverb? Still nothing… Huh. And that means you don’t know any of the cucumber proverbs… none of them. Zippo, zero, zilch.

I can’t do it. I have to fix this. It’s just insane that you don’t know and I have to fix it.

So… how ’bout I give you ten to start. See if that jogs your memory?

Raw cucumber makes the churchyards prosperous.
English Proverb

A thief is a thief, whether he steals a diamond or a cucumber.
Indian Proverb.

They call their aunt only when her cucumbers are ripe.
Myanmaran Proverb.

Eternity makes room for a salty cucumber.
Russian proverb

The only difference between the cucumber and water is the moving of the teeth.
Tunisian Proverb

Sun is for cucumbers, rain for rice.
Vietnamese Proverb

It’s when it’s small that the cucumber gets warped.
Portuguese Proverb

A thief is a thief, whether he steals a diamond or a cucumber.
Hindi Proverb

Love is like a cucumber, it starts off sweet and ends up bitter.
Sicilian Proverb

When the cucumber is small, you can warp it easier.
Portuguese Proverb

Well? Anything… anything at all come to mind? cucumber… famous proverb… ??…

Oh sweet lord. Ok, you asked for it…

11:30

“Huh.”

No operation extends with any certainty beyond the first encounter with the main body of the enemy.
—Helmuth Von Moltke

I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world. This makes it hard to plan the day.
—E. B. White

You can never plan the future by the past.
—Edmund Burke

“Plans are invitation to disappointment.”
—Derek Landy

Zeus does not bring all men’s plans to fulfillment.
—Homer

Just because something doesn’t do what you planned it to do doesn’t mean it’s useless.
—Thomas A. Edison

Most plans are just inaccurate predictions.
—Ben Bayol

“Well… fuck.”

11:29

“Hey.”

“Hey!”

“Wha?”

“Hey. Did you know it was November 29?”

“Nope. So…?”

“It’s almost the end of November. Less than a month to Xmas. A few days short of a month to the new year!”

“I repeat: so?”

“So? So! Jeezus, dude, it’s almost over.”

“What? What is almost over? What is the big whoop? What the f… … Forgive me, I mean what in the name of ‘Jeesus’ are you gibbering about?”

“The year dude, the year… The year is almost over. The experiment, the one-upmanship, the plan, the freaking story. The. Year. Is. Almost. Over!”

“Oh… that.”

“Yes ‘THAT’!”

“Chill. I gotta plan. Every-ting is copasetic man. No drama.”

“Oooh, the man’s gotta plan. Have you looked at the thing lately. The outta-control trainwreck of a narrative, have ya? Ain’t no ‘plan’ gonna do at this point. Unless it’s a zombie plan and everyone goes running and screaming trying to protect their brains from all this horseshit.”

“Seriously: chill. If you ain’t buying, then go shop somewhere else. I said I have it handled and I do. It’s been handled so smoothly you are totally gonna blush your sweet little cheeks. So just chill.”

“Dude, you really don’t know what’s been happening. You’ve had your head shoved up your own arse so far you ain’t see sunshine for weeks. Read my lips: T R A I N W R E C K! (douchebag….)”

“Heh. Have it your way. But don’t come whimpering got me when you lose control my scruffly little unbeliever from the supper smoothness of my plan. Smooth as Jennifer Biel’s butt, compadre, smooth as Shania’s udder-creamed boobs, So smooth that…”

“Ya, ya. You all are smoothy smootherson. I get it. But I’ll believe it when I read. And that, my creamy friend is my point. It is the freaking end of NOVEMBER!”

“Sigh.”

11:28

God I’m thirsty. I really need just a sip to restart the engines running. Just…

What? The dream… I remember. The machine. Always, always the machine. I just turned that bit like so and… Ah yes, yes.

It was done.

God I need that drink.

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CATEGORY: general

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11:27

Edward sipped the mojito. He had to admit it wasn’t half bad. Still on principle he decided for the third time to put it down and refuse any more part in this little charade that had the beaver so smug.

“Enough!”

Twas the night before endings And all through the place
All the people were were tensing Each and every face
The drinks were all poured with tender sweet care
In hopes that the beaver would make all aware

The participants were snuggled with blankets and books
While anxiously fretting, giving the beaver dirty looks
But Edward in tweed and Gareth in plaid
Were not buying anything the beaver had said

when suddenly a noise rang out from the hallway
And the beaver glanced up in his special way
He smiled at the shape outlined by the light
Oh his grin grew wide at the wondrous sight

The light from the moon cast shadows on the face
A weird sculpted landscape of paper and paste
That was reminiscent of something that did quite appear
To be the image of seven rather large cold reinbeer…