6:7
6:7
Hmmm, I guess I should have read some of this drivel earlier in the planning process: blech. Ain’t gonna win awards with this dreck.
Maybe I should focus on designing awards for anyone who’s managed to keep up this long. A girl with a cowgirl accent? And can you just imagine what a sarcastic beaver would actually sound like? Two buck teeth will go a long way to making your speaking voice unintelligible, or at least add a lovely comedic lisp to the process.
And I’m a pretty sure I had a point in mind when adding the narrator, but that sure as hell got lost pretty early in the process.
Maybe I should study up on the DC world and do one of those famous comic book reboots. The rabbit can be a Rhodes scholar magically transformed by the gods to hunt down Loki, who because of his last and ill-conceived trick against Odin was punished by being turned into a beaver. Oh, this is good.
Gareth and Rowan are two master’s students from the Classics department ensnared in a complex plot to prevent Professor Edward from stopping Loki before he manages to save the day.
Ooh, ooh, and the weird guy in the tower (what the hell is that about anyway–talk about writing yourself into an incoherent corner) can be a lost soul doomed to act as gatekeeper yet secretly sympathizing with Loki’s mission. He was enslaved by Barney, a multi-dimensional being who encompasses all matter but has of late been leaning a bit too much to the evil side–much to the detriment of our local space-time.
So who does that leave? The narrator’s just gone: stupid idea to begin with. The incidentals can be rewritten as minions of one sort or another, and maybe I’ll get them some red shirts or something. That’s what the plot needs: a few gory deaths here and there.
Oh, Meredith. Right. Ummm, I guess she’s the mother earth figure: Gaia or some such. Not sure if there is a Norse equivalent, but hell, it’s my book, I’ll just make one. She can be the focal point of the evil Barney-spirit’s interference and maybe she needs to recover her magic veil or jewel or some shred of her all-soul. I’ll figure it out later.
So, now we know. A reboot. Good.
….
Of course on reflection it actually doesn’t sound like less work. In fact, it’s rather more if I have to go back and retell all first bits again. Huh. But … yah, I just did, didn’t I? So if I go and put an asterisk back at 1:1 telling them to skip ahead to 6:7 before reading further, then any new readers can fill it in for themselves and all you current lucky readers are good to go.
So, step one complete.
Step two: figure out how to do this easier. Well, since I’ve already ripped off the comic book guys, why not keep dipping my pen in their well. I’ll just write the words assuming in some later date that I can hire a illustrator to fill in the actions. That way I can get away with “BAM” and “Holy habitual habits, Batman!” and that’ll be enough for an entire episode. I’ll just set a conversion rate of one page per day, or even better, one panel per day and this will be simplicity itself.
Wow, sometimes I amaze myself.
6:6
6:6
Hmmm, maybe a recipe? Oh, yah, did that.
Well then, a poem. Nope, did that, too.
I know, a quick and witty reflection of what’s what in my life. I could even weave it … Oh ya, that was a cop-out, wasn’t it?
Well, it’s not fair. I’m not getting paid. There are no subscriptions to my blog. Where’s the cash flow, I say. Where’s the moola? I need a government bailout, some grease for my literary wheels …
Now that’s an idea. Maybe some Canada Council money based on my work to date. I can write some grant applications, maybe an award entry or two, and it’ll be easy street.
Who needs a paranoid rabbit anyway?
L.A., here I come!
6:5
6:5
The author sat perched at the counter for his lunch break and polished off a turkey-and-bacon sandwich. He had a pile of work waiting on his desk and a couple of long days facing him. As a result all he really could think of was a sort of pathetic self-pitying series of excuses about why he shouldn’t be trying to write. He already missed a couple of weekend days and was in danger of failing to keep the daily posts going.
Why did I ever come up with this stupid idea? It seemed so simple: just write every day. But then it became a story with characters and continuity — although he admitted to himself it was more usually characterized by a lack of continuity. Earl had warned him, his mother was against it, his editor was too busy to meet the stupid schedule, his loyal readers questioned the characters and it was summertime, dammit!
He had holidays planned, courses to take and summer boozing to do. There wasn’t enough time for writing every day. Would everyone else (all three of them) mind if he took weekends off? Or maybe allowed a few funny pictures with a caption? That had worked for Earl, and this was basically all his fault anyway.
And who the hell could remember what the damn characters were doing anyway? All over the bloody place and no plot outline in sight. He might as well be wandering through a labyrinth with a blindfold.
Not to mention the stupid messages and paperwork that were cropping up as a result of all the ridiculous levels of story. Or were those just dreams? Doesn’t matter. If I’m so far gone that I’m dreaming about this thing, then it’s time to move on. Take up sudoku or petit point, and realize that a writer has to think, not just peck away at a virtual keyboard in between sandwiches and at coffee breaks.
That’s it. I’ve decided. I’ll just start again; new rules, new ideas; I’ll just make this easier and it’ll all be good.
…
6:4
6:4
As Caroline dragged herself off the floor and into her bedroom, she reflected on the tiny ironies of the world. And decided she really, really hated the tiny ironies of the world.
She flipped on the tv and flopped back onto the pillow-laden bed with a soft moan.
The tv’s volume had been left up and her room was filled with some reality tv show’s radio calls.
“Mayday Mayday Mayday
This is Castor Castor Castor
Mayday Castor
Position is unknown, last recorded position was heading north, northeast, latitude two three degrees, seven seven minutes, longitude five seven degrees, two three decimal four minutes.
My engines are dead and we are caught in a current headed for shore.
Fourteen foot wooden trawler
Two on board and unable to abandon ship
Castor
Over”
There was a moment of staticky silence and then:
“Castor, Castor, Castor
This is Gman, Gman, Gman
Received Mayday
I am at your last known position. Can you verify last heading and speed?
Will proceed to your location.
Gman
Over”
“Gman
This is Roeland,
Where you at? We should hook up.
Over”
Caroline was just drifting off to sleep when the voice from the tv jumped in volume and intensity.
“Mayday
Roeland
This is Gman
Seelonce Mayday
Distress traffic in progress
Stop transmitting
Over”
Something about the exchange bothered Caroline. It was like a miniature reflection of reality playing out in her ears, but she was too tired to open her eyes.
Then she heard:
“Mayday
All stations, all stations, all stations,
This is
Castor, Castor, Castor
Zero nine three zero Eastern Standard
Castor
Seelonce Feenee
Vessels has drifted clear of current and we are disembarking on beach. All crew safe.
Castor
Out”
“Gman
Out”
Caroline felt a cold chill down her spine and was suddenly no longer tired.
6:3
6:3
And so young man endured the scorn and waspishness of his fellows and tended to his charge for many weeks. He neither befriended nor displayed enmity to the creature but steadfastly and with great care looked after its needs and helped as he could with its healing. As time passed, the creature grew well enough to move around, and the young man transported it to a quiet grove beside a pond in the nearby woods with a promise to continue to bring food and succor as long as was necessary. And each day he would take time from his life to return to woods and ensure that the creature was well and still healing. This task became as natural to him as caring for his own family and eventually everyone around him accepted that the young man’s actions were right and proper.
One day the youth arrived to find the grove empty, and although he waited and waited there came no sign of his charge. So he stood in the centre of the small clearing, looked out over the still pond and once more raised his arms to the sky. A sense of completion wound its way through his soul. “It is done.”
He returned to his home and to his responsibilities to his family and to his neighbours and to his people.
Many years passed and never did the two encounter each other again. Occasionally the man, now grown to full adulthood, would see signs that the forest was inhabited by creatures like his old charge, but there was never any indication if it was one or many. And while he did not dwell on the past and wonder, the experience of caring for and considering that helpless animal had changed his awareness toward all things weaker than himself. As he matured into manhood, he would rarely rely on his great strength and superior size to force his will on others; instead he learned to work with them and act cooperatively to build many new and wonderful things with his fellows. He grew to be a wise man, a great leader of his people and a humble father to many children. And as he grew older and older he became a guide to his family and neighbours, walking with them along a path that embraced the world all around them rather than battling each other for supremacy.
Eventually the no longer young man died, surrounded by his friends and family, and his life was woven into the stories and songs of his people. Many years passed and the man’s name and origin lay forgotten but the spirit of his life lived on and spread wherever people gathered together whether for survival, or to celebrate, or just to coexist and share the resources of the land.
And while this man had no name, he was always referred to by the symbol of his family. A symbol he had adopted after he had returned the small hapless creature to the woods. And the legends state that whenever people come together to work or play or build something greater than the sum of their parts, there you will always see the sign of the beaver.
6:2
6:2
The young man stared at the broken creature and did not see a meal to be eaten or a resource to be taken. He saw pain and sorrow and felt a great upwelling of pity. For many years the man had cared for his family, nursed them back to health when they were sick, treated their wounds and performed everything in his limited power to heal them. He was no stranger to pain and suffering; to him it was another part of life like eating and sleeping. But family were not found in the woods, did not exist outside the limited scope of his small home.
But for some reason the helplessness of the tiny creature half hidden under the wild rose bush touched him, and he realized that he had the ability to change its fate, that he must do something to help. He gathered up the creature in an old hide, trying to be careful and not injure it further. And once he had it tightly swaddled he wrapped a few strips of rawhide around the bundle and tied it to his chest like it was a small child in a harness.
And then he set off back home.
As he arrived back at the wood-and-hide shelter he called home, he could hear his family and neighbors starting to wake and move around. Suddenly the young man felt doubt. What right did he have to bring not food but another mouth to feed into their already meager lives? What good could this injured creature bring? He could readily imagine the scorn and disbelief of his mother when he presented her with his burden. The anger of his fellows as he wasted their meager resources on something broken and better discarded.
He stood on the edge of the small collection of dwellings, undecided and conflicted.
But he could not return the animal to its suffering, to a long and lingering death. And he could not bring himself to end its life; it was small and helpless and could not protect itself.
The young man looked up to the sky and silently asked for guidance. He raised his tanned and muscular arms to the heavens, threw back his head and closed his eyes. Inhaling deeply he brought his arms gently back to his chest and opened his eyes to the beauty of the morning and smiled. A sense of something greater than himself, greater than the desires and selfish opinions of those around him, filled him to bursting. He would do as the spirits moved him. He would protect and care for this creature and, when the time was right, return it whole to the woods where they could then resume their proper roles: hunter and hunted, players in the game of the gods, and then there would be balance.
His heart sang and he was filled with contentment. All was good.
6:1
6:1
Many many years ago a young man came upon a small lame creature in the woods.
The youth had been hunting for food and was fully prepared to kill for his dinner. This was the nature of his world. Every week he would leave his home and wander purposefully through the trees and meadows in search of a life that he could end for his own purposes. The repeated pattern of spotting and stalking his prey, the complete engagement in the kill and reward of a successful hunt was a regular and comfortable thing for him. He would eviscerate his victim, flaying the skin from its still warm carcass, and pack up the dismembered pieces to feed himself and head home again, not to return for as long as the meat lasted.
The world existed for him to pillage to satisfy the needs of his family. This was the truth his father taught him. This was his truth.
But suddenly this small, half dead creature did not fit comfortably into the pattern.
5:31
5:31
Rabbits are always late
I’m late, I’m late
Late getting started
Out the gate
No time, it’s fine
Just write something funny
That will rhyme
With hares, and snares
Trapping rabbits et al.
A tale most fair
Beavers bouncing
Closed crates also jouncing
Uncomfortable fling
If words might fail
Baffle them all with lies
About the whale o’ a tale
5:30
5:30
In the other room Caroline’s cellphone began to ring. She paused in her scrubbings for just a moment, then bent her head and renewed her efforts with even more vigour.
The phone buzzed insistently, but she continued to ignore it. “Why the fuck did I ever agree to this? What was I thinking?” she muttered almost incoherently. In her ears the sound of the phone seemed to grow louder and louder, but she focused on the sound of the water and the sharpness of the cleansing pain as she worked the rough stone over her violently red hands. “This isn’t right. Dirty animals. This just isn’t right!” she spat out, trying to drown out the insistent noise of the phone.
“I have no time for you!” she screamed at last and the phone fell silent. “I have no time for you,” she repeated in a soft whimpering tone. “I have no time.” She slowly stopped scrubbing her now bleeding hands and watched the blood and water mix into a pink foam as it poured down the drain in front of her.
Caroline looked up into the bathroom mirror and her face started to collapse. Tears slowly leaked from her eyes although she knew she wasn’t crying. She didn’t cry; she hadn’t since she had left home. The mixture of fear and rage that had fueled her since she left the park was gone and all that was left was pain. And right now, right at this moment, pain was not enough.
“Not fair,” she told the mirror as she slowly slipped down to the bathroom floor. “Not fair.”
5:29
5:29
Caroline washed her hands again. They were already raw from related scrubbings with her pumice, but she just couldn’t seem to get them clean.
Whatever had possessed her to get involved in this? She’d actually had to touch that disgusting pair of wild animals. Carrying them across the field had been like holding onto dead flesh. They had flopped and rolled in the most unsettling manner and the drool rolling off the putrid pink tongue of that rabbit had dribbled down her arm, almost making her throw up. After dumping them in the crate she had literally run for her car and been trying to wash the stench off ever since.
Caroline looked up into the mirror. What she saw was a haggard-looking woman stripped down to her bra. She stood with bright-red hands and forearms and a look of desperation wrapped her features like an opaque veil.
“Why did I ever get involved in this?” she asked the desperate woman. “I will never be clean again…” She received no answer and resumed scrubbing her hands, wringing them desperately and slathering on even more antibacterial soap from the pump dispenser.