5:27
5:27
High up in the tower room, a soft light glowed a steady green and then flashed orange twice before resuming its steady emerald tone. In the dark room the orange flashes lit up the room like erratic lighting, but there was no one there to see.
A thin film of dust had begun to collect on the surfaces of various objects in the room. There was no indication that anyone had occupied the room in several weeks, and the door was slightly ajar, occasionally gliding gently back and forth in response to the slight breeze from the high windows. A bottle with dark amber liquid lay on its side on the side table. A dirty glass sat beside it.
The light flashed bright orange again twice, but there was still no one to see.
5:26
5:25
5:25
Zzzzzzzzzzzwhat! I … huh? Whatever … ? Well, now, what in heaven’s name is going on here? Let me see. Page, ummmmmm, 423, 424 …
Oh, for goodness sake, can a narrator not take a nap now and then without a plot going to the dogs? Never work with kids and animals, they told me, but did I listen?
Now let’s just set this to rights. First things first: Form 427b. Let see, name, address, case number… Yes, yes, yes. Incident report attached? Ah, Form 65: Incident Report: Non-Binding. Then I shall just file this to …. ? My goodness, this is an old address; it’s such a bother when they change ministries so often. I’ll just requisition a new form … Yes, Form 97b(rev.) and like so …
Ah, that is so satisfying. I do love a well-run office: everything in its place and a place for everything. Step by step I will drag this morass of chaos into linearity and order. None of this sideways nonsense anymore.
So, now we wait. Shan’t be more a than a few days, a week at most, to get the new forms. Then we will fill those out, submit them to the governance department for disposition, wait to see under whose authority this little incident will be adjudicated and be back on track before the new month has barely started.
And all’s well that ends well, I say.
But while we wait, let’s just review… Grilled beaver tail, eh? Hmmmm, I do feel … a bit … peckish …
5:24
5:24
Edward looked back at the beaver and his eyes twitched down to stare at the beaver’s tail. “I know what you mean,” he replied. Then he shook his head violently, ears flapping back and forth. “Eew. That’s disgusting!”
He rolled his eyes back then glared at the ceiling and continued: “And you, please cease and desist. It’s beneath you and certainly an indication of your innate laziness. Please spare us the delaying tactics and just get on with it.”
The beaver just stared at Edward. “Ummm, yah… whatever.” He turned back to the freshly gnawed hole in the floor of the crate.
5:23
5:23
BBQ Beaver Tail
(from http://www.beaversaretasty.com)
Prepare the day before for best flavour.
1-2 beaver tails, skin on
1 cup of marinade (below)
Your favorite BBQ sauce
Marinade
1/4 cup red wine
1/4 cup vinegar
2 tbsp olive oil
2 tbsp soy sauce
2 tbsp ketchup
1/2 onion, diced
1/2 tsp salt
Black pepper
2 whole cloves
- Place tails on a very hot grill.
- Reduce heat to medium; cook until skin blisters and separates from meat.
- Remove and let cool.
- Once cool, remove skin and discard. Place meat in ziplock bag with marinade and refrigerate overnight.
- Remove meat from marinade and place on a hot grill.
- Baste with BBQ sauce and cook over medium heat. Baste often.
Serve when heated through.
Enjoy!
5:22
5:22
The beaver paused and looked at Edward oddly.
“I’m suddenly very hungry,” he said.
5:21
5:21
How to Cook Rabbit
Be sure rabbit is properly prepared. If the rabbit is not butchered properly, the final taste may be affected. Please see page 235 for proper technique.
Serves 2
Prep time: 21 minutes
Cook time: 1 1/2 hours
1 cottontail
3 tbsp olive oil
Salt
Pepper
2 bay leaves
2 tbsp oregano
4 cloves garlic
1 tbsp smoked paprika
1/2 lb. Italian sausage
1 cup of red peppers
1/2 cup of crushed tomatoes
Cut rabbit into serving-sized pieces (see page 238). Place in low pot and arrange pieces. Fill pot with water until rabbit is barely covered and add bay leaves and salt. Simmer for 1 hour.
Meanwhile prepare the other ingredients. Crush garlic; slice red peppers, cut sausage into large pieces.
After 1 hour add the remaining ingredients to the pot. Stir well. Keep turning until rabbit is coated in sauce. Stir occasionally for the remaining 30 minutes. Serve.
Bon appetit
5:20
5:20
The reason for the self-satisfied look on Edward’s face became apparent after about five minutes of gnawing and spitting. The beaver had made a substantial dent in the bottom of the crate; the hole was almost large enough for the smaller rabbit to squeeze through. That is, if the hole hadn’t been on the bottom of the long flat crate and the other side of the hole hadn’t been blocked by the metal floor of whatever vehicle they were travelling in.
“Well, fuck…”
“Now, now. No need for vulgarity,” Edward remonstrated. “There is, after all, still my plan. That is, if you aren’t too much a ’beaver of action’ to follow a mere herbivore with a penchant for thinking things through.”
The beaver glared at Edward but oddly enough got the impression the rabbit was being sincere rather than sarcastic. “OK,” he said finally, “whaddya got?”
“Ah. What I have is simply an application of physics. But that can wait until later. I am much more concerned about what happens once we exit this container. The next steps are much more crucial if we assume we are locked in a moving vehicle of some sort. We could be trapped in a van speeding along a deserted highway. Who knows how long we were asleep.”
Edward paused and took on a lecturing tone that had just an edge of smugness in it.
“What if we are a rail car? Or far underground on a mining cart?”
The beaver started to say he thought this was ridiculous, but the rabbit cut him off.
“What, pray tell, if we find ourselves in a boat upon the ocean or a plane high in the sky?”
“Or worse yet,” the rabbit’s eyes started to crinkle, “what if we find ourselves in a float plane flying high above the ocean? Surely that would be the worst of all possible fates? I think that I could not bear it if that were true, to be trapped in such a float plane. Oh, yes, I can quite imagine it. Trapped in one of those float planes,” Edward’s whiskers vibrated delightedly, “like, oh I don’t know… a beaver?”
The beaver just stared at the gleeful rabbit. “You’ve got to be kidding me…”
5:19
5:19
“So, we can conclude that Caroline is not acting alone,” Edward continued. “And since she isn’t acting alone, it may be that we can elevate these other players to the level of conspirators. I had not anticipated an organized enemy. I shall have to think on this a bit.”
“Think? That’s your solution? We shall sit in this container and contemplate our predicament?” the beaver snarled in a mocking tone. “I have no idea how you managed to survive this long. How about we put the postulating aside and figure out how to get out of this stinking crate before we both end up at the taxidermist? How about that for a plan, eh?”
“Bloody stupid rabbit,” the beaver muttered to himself as he turned to examine the wooden sides of the crate. He wrinkled his nose and sniffed. “Smells like pine,” he pondered aloud.“Not much in the way of preservative. Smells like it was stored in a machine shop or metal-working facility, definitely an undertone of grease …”
The beaver circumnavigated the four sides of the box, shoving the rabbit aside as he investigated all the wooden surfaces. At last he came to a small knot in the panel beneath where Edward had originally been lying.
“I’m pretty sure I can get muh teef …” The rest of the sentence was lost to mumbling as the beaver managed to get his two incisors locked onto the small out-jutting edge of the knot. He clamped down his powerful jaw and carefully and slowly extricated the knot from the slat.
“Well,” the beaver said triumphantly after spitting out the remains of the wooden plug, “there’s a good start and I didn’t even have to break a sweat. How’s that thinking going, hare-brain?”
Edward looked at the beaver and and sniffed. “Bon appetit.”
5:18
5:18
“Caroline?”
“Yes,” murmured Edward as he unfolded his stiff body and banged his head on the roof of the crate as he tried to stretch, “You do recall I mentioned that there were other players. Or were you once again failing to listen to anything other than the sound of your own voice?”
“Now, now, bunny-boy. That’s a pot/kettle comment if I’ve ever heard one. You wouldn’t take advice from a hovering angel of god if it contradicted what your big furry ears wanted to hear,” the beaver said in a snide voice. He continued, “I bet …”
“Enough,” barked Edward. “I believe there a few more immediate issues confronting us. Shall we move on?” Before the beaver could answer, Edward settled back down and said, “Did you happen to glean any facts or information about our present predicament either before or after the gas affected us?”
“Gas, that explains it.” The beaver cocked his head and was silent for a moment. “No. No, I don’t think… Well, there is one thing. I thought I smelled aftershave or cologne. I remember thinking that was strange, because I can usually smell only the lemon when it’s nearby.”
“Cologne? Are you sure? I am quite positive that this is the work of Caroline, and she is known for her feminine accoutrements. If she was wearing a scent, I am certain it would be a classic like Chanel or Givenchy.”
The beaver’s only response was a grunt as the vehicle they were in hit a bump or pothole and both his and Edward’s heads banged off the low roof.
“Still, it is unlikely, I suppose, that she would be doing this alone. She is unnaturally terrified of all things natural. An abduction of two ’animals’ in the middle of the woods would be rather unlike her.”
“Hey,” the beaver snarled, “Speak for yourself. Animal.”
Edward’s face quirked into a bitter smile. “Indeed.”