When I was a kid I collected the old typewritten, often off-colour, jokes that circulated. I came across the pile the other day and thought I’d add them for posterity. Some of these are pretty juvenile, and most are definitely not politically correct…

The New Priest

The new priest was saying his first Mass but he was so nervous he could hardly speak. After the Mass he asked the Monseigneur for an opinion. The Monseigneur suggested that as he was so nervous, he should put a little gin or vodka in his water glass for his Mass the following Sunday.

The next Sunday, the priest did as he was told and added some gin to his water glass. He talked up a storm.

Once again he asked the Monseigneur for his opinion. The Monseigneur replied he did just fine, but there were a few things that he should get straight:
1. There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
2. There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
3. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
4. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late, great J.C.
5. The next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter’s, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy’s.
6. The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not to be referred to as Big Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

😉