Day Seven: You call that a week?

I got a text from Carmen this morning. Something about salty turkey and deep tissue massaging. I think we can all agree her mind is starting to wander. Hopefully she won’t be taking up astral travel like her lazy spaniard or we might all be in trouble: Beware! Carmen could be watching!

This morning started with mysterious bruises and an urge to rub something. Maybe I should have made some dough but I decided instead to run on a treadmill until rubbing muscles seemed a reasonable thing to do. Afterwards, while rubbing myself, I started to feel weird about the whole thing. Sitting there, rubbing myself… At that point I thought to myself that I should probably get someone else to rub me. I wonder if I could pay someone to do that? Then I really started to feel weird about the whole rubbing thing. It was right around then I started to consider if maybe I should drop the rubbing idea altogether. I mean if rubbing myself was weird and paying someone to rub me is weird and we all know having strangers randomly rub you is definitely weird then maybe rubbing itself was just a a weird thing to do. As I sat there rubbing my head in contemplation, I ultimately resolved to give up rubbing as a New Year’s resolution. That would rub out the problem, clear out the rubbish and help define my rubric for 2012. And my skin would definitely be less rubicund!

After all that exhausting linear thought, I was just starting to relax when I had a sudden premonition that something was up at work. I couldn’t quite get a read on it but the next thing you know, this showed up on Facebook:


I knew that Spanish wench had something dark lurking in the bosom of her frilly pink blouse, but I never imagined it would be this bad. Why she’s a bigger freeloading spaniard than Pete! Still I have hope. The lack of fingers ought to hinder her much more than she realizes, especially when Bruce starts harping about keyboard shortcuts. Then she’ll get her comeuppance…


Today’s schedule hasn’t been too strenuous. Sleep, exercise, think, food, read, nap, walk, read, think, repeat. Tonight will be similar but a bit more relaxed with less walking and more drinking. But not too much. After all it’s the weekend tomorrow and I will need lots of energy to… you know… relax. Still all in all, it’s been a good week. And Pete didn’t disown me so I guess I came out on the plus side. But no kittens yet. And I’ve definitely defined my definition of ‘relax’. So I can stop drinking any time now. Well maybe one more drink… Tomorrow isn’t that close…

I didn’t drink this whole bottle of wine. Honest.