Day Six: Home body

Well this one appeared late. I don’t know where she got too but obviously someone wasn’t up bright and early… Could it be that relaxation is setting in? Time will tell…

—B

6:45 a.m. • Zzzzzzzzzzz
7:02 a.m. • Zzzzzzzzz
7:39 a.m • [Snore] Zzzzzz [snort]

Breakfast: Pete was nowhere to be found. I found her perusing a new age text the other day so perhaps she’s taken up astral travel. I’m pretty sure she’s already mastered levitation. Oh well, more mittens for me. Speaking of knitting, I think the looming loom should be replaced by crocheting. I could set up in Bruce’s truck and crochet my way back and forth to the place he always makes me go by enticing me with bottles of wine and then reneging. Why am I so stupid? Stupid truck. But at least I could make some cozies or doilies or maybe a hat. That’ll teach him.

Lunch: Soup. And this time I heated it. Mmmmmmmm, warm soup. I bought some paint brushes last night whilst sleep shopping online but it turns out they were for painting ashphalt. I guess I will have to wait till spring and I can paint that giant spider-eating lizard in front of Leslie’s car. That will teach her… nasty spider lovers anyway… can’t trust them or the spiders. I betcha Leslie wants to lay eggs in my ears too. Sure, sure she’s all nice and pleasant 99.87% of the time and then boom! Arachnid anarchy! But my Lizard Legion will prevail Bwaaahahahahaha!

Mid-Afternoon Snack: It started with imaginary sangria but then I chopped some fruit for a snack and admired my stemware and the next thing you know someone had opened a bottle of Rioja… and so I gave my imagination a break. It works too hard anyway.

Dinner: Mmmmmmm mustard. Nuff said.

Evening nibbles: Well by the time I was sober, I felt like napping so I thought I would catch a few winks in front of the TV. Upon examination I realized that I had months and months of Hoarders to go through on the pvr. But then I realized I had watched them but couldn’t bring myself to throw them away. And then I realized that irony wasn’t my strongest subject. So I watched House Hunters International and dreamed of living in Santiago, on a vineyard, with a Dalmatian (the nationality, not the dog) and my very own llama.

Lights-out Cocktail: Warm milk (blech) and two tylenol due to the changes in the atmospheric pressure due to Pete suddenly reappearing out of nowhere and displacing a large (LARGE) volume of air. All’s well…