Mr. Doug Elinski , Alberta MLA says:
Get used to it gents, this is your life, first grad, then engagement party, then the wedding, the birth of the kids, all about the girls. If you are lucky, then like me, you will be able at some time to take flying lessons and drive a cool pick up, but only after the girls move away and start presenting you with grandchildren.
Gah… just kill me now…
The entire post from the Google Cache:
Edmonton Calder does not have a lot a High Schools, (one exactly) but we do have several Junior High Schools and this week is the beginning of the Junior High Grad season.
I give the same speech because it is a pretty good one and the kids like
it. I like the kids, the boys, look like 14 and 15 year olds, just a
little cleaner and less apt to lean heavily to cool. The girls, are
gorgeous, not grown up but certainly getting there.
Babies with pretty satin dresses, bouffant hairdo’s trying to walk in heels
for the first time. It’s quite a leap from runners to stilettos and I
think this is a very special womanish transition that men, do not
understand. My daughters all did this and I did not understand so like
a lot of big gatherings involving food and speeches, it’s more about
the girls than the boys.
Get used to it gents, this is your life, first grad, then engagement party,
then the wedding, the birth of the kids, all about the girls. If you
are lucky, then like me, you will be able at some time to take flying
lessons and drive a cool pick up, but only after the girls move away
and start presenting you with grandchildren.
My advice to girls is even simpler:
Ladies, always smile when you walk into a room, there is nothing a man wants
less than a woman scowling because he thinks he is going to get shit
for something and has no idea what. Men are attracted to smiles, so
smile don’t give me that “treated equal” stuff, if you want equal it
comes in little packages at Starbucks.
Here is my speech, I ad lib a bit and I stole most of it but the kids love it.
Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 09 wear sunscreen.
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be IT.
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas
the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering
I will dispense this advice now.
Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth, never mind.
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth for a long time
so take a lot of pictures tonight and in 20 years you’ll look at them
and recall, in a way you can’t grasp, now how much possibility lay
before you and how fabulous you really look.
You will realize soon how cute young ladies are trying to walk in heels for the first time.
Everyone take a picture of someone right now.
You are not as fat as you imagine.
Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as
effective as trying to solve a math problem by chewing bubblegum.
The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your
worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on Tuesday.
I for one strongly support having a personal theme song and if you want
my opinion there is nothing better than a good old Disney classic like
the Dwarf mining song, Hi Ho Hi Ho it’s off to work we go……. from
I sing it every day on my way into the legislature.
Do one thing every day that scares you.
Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours. < Don't waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're
behind. The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself.
Remember compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing
this, tell everyone you know because they won’t know.
Floss, turns out the dental hygienist was right.
Keep your old love letters, I suggest that in our new technology age you keep every letter someone writes you.
Write someone a letter in long hand, put it in an envelope and but a stamp on it. They will cherish it forever.
Stretch, turn out the Occupational therapist was right.
Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life.
The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do
with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know
Drink lots of milk, unless you are a Vegan, in which case take calcium.
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone.
Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't, maybe you'll have children, maybe you
won't, maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken
on your 75th wedding anniversary.
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself, either. Your choices are half chance, so are everybody else's.
Enjoy your body, use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it, or what
other people think of it, it's the greatest instrument you'll ever own.
Dance. Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.
Get to know your parents, you never know when they'll be gone for good.
Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the
older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them
Live in Toronto once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Vancouver once, but leave before it makes you soft.
Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will
philander, you will get old, and when you do you'll remember when you
were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children
respected their elders.
Respect your elders.
Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe
you'll have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might
Be nice to your siblings; they are your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.
Don't mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 100.
You will walk away from this step in the journey of your life with only one
thing that makes you different from everyone else who is doing the same
You are losing your status as popular kid or weirdo and
it’s going to take some getting used to because while you and some of
your friends have been together since age 5, you are now starting to go
your separate ways.
You might be the popular kid, but I
guarantee that in 30 years none of the folks in this room will remember
whether you were the pretty one or not. They will just be glad to see
you because when they see you they will see just a tiny little sliver
of themselves and this will make them feel very good.
What you leave with today is your own ability to help everyone one in this room stay connected to where they are right now.
So stand up and take another picture of someone else.
Good luck and thank you for letting me share my thoughts
But do trust me on the sunscreen
Liberated and amended heavilly in someplaces from the Class of 97 by Chicago newspaper columnist, Mary Schmich.
Posted by Doug Elniski at 7:11 AM 0 comments