Day Five: Tired. But not the rubber kind.

Wow. I can’t believe this isn’t getting tedious. As Devo says, “How long can this go on?”

Finally a good night sleep. But boy did I have some bizarre dreams. Trolls, hairless muppets, a giant kitten and a jacuzzi [shudder], but still, a small price to pay.

Pete seems to be coming along. The first few mornings I need my eye patch because the overzealous eye poking. I was switching from eye to eye to provided some relief. Wow, any more appliances while I sleep and people and going to think I am a vampire cyborg… Cybor G H-chuk, yup that’s me. Anyway, Pete’s back to eyebrow grooming so I guess she’s forgiven me for invading her space.

Today is a day of rest. It’s been a busy week so far what with not thinking, not working and definitely not checking my email. Not doing things takes a lot out of a girl. So to relax I think I will not do anything; because that makes sense in the context of my previous statement. And you know how I like to make sense. Or at least make cents. That’s why I do what I do. Because I prefer good cents. To bucks. Or doe’s. Or any ungulate for that matter. A grizzly bear on the other hand would be nice, but I have Leslie for that; and she has a COD.

First on the agenda to not do is definitely the Xmas lights. I’ve got to take it slow; put in too much time and thought already and I have the neighbours to win and crush. Next to definitely avoid will be my tree. Of course I could work on my plans for the tree. That might provide more drinking time, but I think it would throw of the aesthetic of the evening. No, I will definitely wait to think tree when I have a tree (and a bottle or two of wine).

***

As the sun starts to set it occurs to me that I need a drink. I’m out of both Amarone and cooking sherry so I think its time to break out the beer. Maybe I should visit my parents or Craig or Bruce or… I wonder George Thorogood is doing… he likes to drink alone. Maybe I should buy some new bar stools, made from laminate, they really are just art, but what colour should I paint the next wall, and if I paint the wall while wall-eyed, will it warp, weave and wonk. Oh Whatever. Squirrel!

By the time the bottle lets all its contents leak out the hole I feel pretty good. Now I just need a quilt, comforter and throw to wind up the evening and bask in the glow of staying up past 8. Good for me…

Day Four: Flights of Fantasy

All right let’s admit it. There is no way Carmen could consciously be writing these things. It’s too fantastical even for her. But they have to coming from somewhere. Maybe her subconscious is bleeding over the wireless network. Maybe Pedro is really a Russian mob hacker on a mission to brainwash the populace of Canada in a wild attempt to corner the petfood market. Maybe Craig is emailing them to a mole in my organization. But whatever it is it’s very, very interesting…

I woke up in mid air. Not too unusual until you consider it was 11 a.m. I found that kind of odd because usually when I wake up it’s more like 4:39 a.m. and if I wake up mid air it’s usually after a particularly vigorous night of drinking (or appreciating the finer things in life as I like to call it). Still, it looked to be mildly interesting and as my holidays so far had been three quarters full of the wrong things and leaking the right things from all the holes in my logic, it seemed I might as well finish waking up and pay attention.

Unfortunately I hadn’t been paying attention as I was mid thought on a stream-of-consciousness flow relating to my nieces’ infatuation with electronic, overpriced, self-immolating rebellion against my brother’s wife’s odd sense of teenage propriety, and I had no idea how I had gotten to where I was. And that’s why we need more moderation in changes to our geographical surroundings. Too much rerouting results in ridiculous amounts of regional roaming. Where was I? Oh, right, asking myself where I was.


Just where the hell was I?

So maybe I was away, which would explain why I was not there. That made sense to me. But where had I gone? Didn’t recognize the cutlery, the bath sheets were more like scarves and there was that particular picture of the skirt and legs. Aha! I was in the Turks and Caicos with a bunch of turkeys and caics… or was that cocks? Nevertheless, it was all obvious now. I was on holidays with meat. Meaty meatness. Juicy, chewy holiday meat served fresh from the meat server thing daily.

Now I just had to figure out where Pedro was before the omnivore turned carnie.

Landing in a pile of quilts, blankets, muppet skins and sheep remnants, I rolled over and decided that the day was upon me. Nap time.

***

Since we have determined I wasn’t at home, I wasn’t away. I wasn’t asleep and I was most definitely not awake in any reality sense then I guess I must be having fun. That was the the only sensible conclusion to the known facts. It also explained the crick in my neck, but that is another story which I could tell you but would make me seem non-linear and I know how you hate that. Fun. Huh. Odd.

Anyway. I ended my day at my loom, weaving a new sarape for Pedro to replace her old tattered one she wore out when she was living on the street… oh…that hasn’t happened… yet. And as 7:29 crawled around and the yawns filled the bathtub, I rolled over burbled goodnight dick and drifted off to sleeee…

Day Three: Furry thoughts

As this was Carmen’s first real day off I wondered if the strangeness would continue. Well it did. And as strangeness goes, well let’s just say she’s her usual overachiever. Carmen, there is no prize for crazy… no need to crush and win dear …

Morning equals bunnies. Pete and I awoke and looked at the treadmill for a while. It didn’t seem too lonely so we wandered off to watch rabbits. I thought maybe this would put the lion at ease when she finally realized she didn’t have the house to herself for the day. No rabbits but I did see my neighbor drive off to that place…you know…with all the crazy people…that place. Oh well, not my problem.

As soon as the bunny watch was over Pete disappeared to go imperialize the flannel duvet. I warned her not to get too comfortable but she didn’t listen. Isn’t she going to be surprised.

So today Ms Migennes and I packed up and headed down to the Humane Society to see us some Jelly Belly. After arrival we wandered into the kitten room and immediate forgot why we were there as we played and played on the kitty ladder. Pete was a bit offended at first by my skillful clambering but eventually she got over it. The intention to acquire 3-4 kittens and cats was lost in the moment. When staff finally kicked us out at closing time we were tuckered but happy and a bit confused why we hadn’t picked up any extra mouths to feed.

Oh well, maybe tomorrow. It’s cold out today.

I wonder if I should work today. Maybe hang some lights or fabricate a small loom from popsicle sticks. Still and all I think I shall head to the rabbit hole and look for rabbits. Rabbits are fun and its way better than counting sheep… mmmm …sheep… sleep… zzzzzz

Day Two: Walls are all around

So once again the words appear. They software isn’t even holding them for moderation. And from what I can tell, they need some moderation. A mind is a scary place…

–B

Apparently the winter-like conditions outside are going to continue to cause a distinct lack of warmth during the evenings. And the lazy Spaniard’s no help: she’s cowering under the flannel sheets.

I woke up last night and realized I had walls. Lots of walls. I wonder if I should paint them? Or maybe buy some art? Or maybe go back to sleep?

Today had cooking in it. A warm stove on a cold day is a great way to make sure I don’t hang any Christmas lights and it has the added benefit of keeping Pedro from getting too suspicious. I have been getting the cat eye, as if she suspects something. Maybe I will have to casually suggest she visit the farm before she starts feeling threatened. That way she can visit mama and I can save some skin. Hmmmmm.

What should I cook next? This looks good:

20111204-160710.jpg

Maybe tomorrow. It’s too cold today.

I wonder what Bruce and Leslie are doing. Something exciting involving trolls and book jackets I bet. They never invite me over to play with trolls. I guess it’s something they just don’t want to talk about? I mean trolls are pretty private. I wonder if I can get some… not from Ruche I’ll tell you, stupid store doesn’t know what priority shipping means. If I ordered trolls from them they’d probably show up looking more like mummies. Wrapped in linen. Fabricland has great prices on chiffons these days. I should make cake. Squirrel!

And look. I didn’t get my furniture away yet. Isn’t it pretty?

20111204-155210.jpg

Blue, white, blue-blue, white… I wonder if that turkey is still available. I should get Bruce to pick it up. But he doesn’t want to be bothered. But he shouldn’t mind doing me a favor. But he can get so owly… even without the pants. I bet he uses my mug. Stupid Bruce, even sounds like Ruche. I wonder where the stapler is?

There are some great seat sales on to Canadian destinations. Maybe I can visit in Victoria. Or visit Tiff in Toronto. I suppose I could convince Craig to caper to Calgary for a couple of… naw. Maybe tomorrow. It’s too cold today.

I wonder of I should posting holiday updates on my Facebook page? Well, a few too many work people might see it and then they comment, and I’d read it, and then I’d think about it, and they’d wonder why I didn’t comment back, and I’d wonder why there so much pressure, and then I’d have to check which bra am I wearing anyway…? Oh, that one. That’s ok then.

Day two’s been pretty dull. But I am definitely staying out of my bed until at least 7. Absolutely. No exceptions! Zzzzzzzzz…

Day One: Transformed

Note: The following mysteriously appeared on my blog. It appears to be a blog entry about Carmen’s holiday. I had absolutely nothing to do with it. It’s a mystery. A mystery dammit! And we just shouldn’t enquire any deeper into the matter.

—B

I awoke this morning (or more correctly, late last night) tired and a bit confused. What was I doing? Just what was this holiday thing?

Through all the fuzzy thoughts, only one thing was clear… I needed to blog my days off so all and sundry would be able to vicariously follow along. But how was to do that, how could I use technology and still be able to relax? They almost seemed antithetical concepts to me. Le sigh.

But after a stern talking to from Pete, I realized I must find a way. I must reach out with my massive mental power of persuasion and make it so. So, here we are… The Official C-Notes.

Today I awoke and ran in the wee hours. After a relaxing 30 minutes of worrying and fretting I wandered upstairs to try and explain to Pete that she might have to share a bit more in the coming weeks.

Later I tried to ignore the amusing email from Bruce, but it was too amusing so I gave in and responded. That set off a chain of thought that made me realize it was time to get out and about. So I out and abouted. HomeSense makes so much sense.

Upon my return I considered working on my unfinished magnum opus so I started to do laundry. After not putting away my lawn furniture I realized that the boxes in my garage weren’t flat yet. Later I plan to watch a bit of tv, but for now I will try to ignore the strange girl in my kitchen.

20111203-171207.jpg

I noticed the snow mysteriously disappeared from my back stoop. Stoop is an odd word. Squirrel!

And now it is night, or at least dark. Day One has gone so well except for those pesky emails; good thing I at least deleted my work account. wouldn’t want my boss to divert them or something.So maybe tomorrow or Monday I will meet Taryn at 8:20 and walk around the lake. The lake is round and thus it is a perfect shape for walking around.

All I know is I absolutely, positively will not be in bed by 6. Absolutely not. Oh wait… … sigh.